There's a moment in class where the teacher says, 'I'm going to divide you into groups to work on this project.' For many of us, this is enough to make us break out into a sweat. But, why is this? Humans are social animals, and we're designed to interact with others, so why is group work, and working in teams, so difficult for so many of us? Purpose comes through creating a compelling narrative around shared goals. We invest in stories, and they make us believe in why what we're doing is important. As Simon Sinek suggests, 'We need to start with why?' People buy into a narrative, and the promise of being part of something great or revolutionary galvanizes massive shifts in mindset. This is why we still have a part of our brain that makes us worry about what other people say. We need signals (more than one or two) that would convince us that we belong. Where does great culture come from? How do you build and sustain it in your group, or strengthen a culture that needs fixing?

Marci called these moments concordances. ‘Concordances happen when one person can react in an authentic way to the emotion being projected in the room,’ Marci says. ‘It’s about understanding in an empathic way, then doing something in terms of gesture, comment, or expression that creates a connection.’” Pg. 155 This lesson focuses on creating cooperation and boosting collaboration within groups and between individuals. The answer was – 64 percent. The truth was – 2 percent. Coyle says that this is a typical problem – leaders presume that everyone knows the priorities, while in fact, very few people do. Much like the mythical “work” of a romantic relationship or marriage, the author maintains that “Culture is a set of living relationships working toward a shared goal.” If I could get a sense of the way your culture works by meeting just one person, who would that person be?” pg. 148-149

Designer Peter Skillman wanted to find out why some groups work better than others. So he asked business school students and kindergartners to build such a structure, making it as tall as possible. Jonathan’s group succeeds not because its members are smarter but because they are safer. We don’t normally think of safety as being so important. We consider safety to be the equivalent of an emotional weather system—noticeable but hardly a difference maker. But what we see here gives us a window into a powerful idea. Safety is not mere emotional weather but rather the foundation on which strong culture is built. The deeper questions are, Where does it come from? And how do you go about building it? The kindergartners succeed not because they are smarter but because they work together in a smarter way. They are apping into a simple and powerful method in which a group of ordinary people can create a performance far beyond the um of their parts. Overdo Thank-Yous — that includes “thanks for letting me coach you” — as a way of affirming the relationship and “igniting cooperative behavior.” Coyle includes a series of action steps in the “Ideas for Action” chapter of this lesson, that leaders can take to ensure they are providing a culture that supports a psychologically safe work environment where all employees feel a sense of belonging.

So the measure was changed – instead of the traditional approach, they started using Personal Emotional Connections measure, which consisted in creating a connection with clients. As Coyle underlines, it was impossible to measure the results, but such an approach helped the call center workers clearly see the real purpose. Use ArtifactsBut they succeeded because they understood that being vulnerable together is the only way a team can become invulnerable.” Pg. 145 People naturally try to hide their weaknesses. But publicly showing your mistakes only benefits creating a safe environment.

This lesson focuses on our innate need to belong. Building safety is essential for building belonging in any group. Coyle also dives into the neuroscience that has been on my radar for much of 2018 — and emphasizes that the amygdala is not just about perceiving threats but also plays “a vital role in building social connections.” Those “belonging cues” are all transformed in your brain to help “set the stage for meaningful engagement.”According to Coyle, most successful groups not only make priority lists – they shorten those lists, ending up with a couple priorities. And the top priority is always building a group itself and nourishing the relationships among its members. Without a cohesive team, there will be no chance to produce successful products or provide services. Be ten times as clear about your priorities as you think you should be Group performance depends on behavior that communicates one powerful overarching idea: We are safe and connected.” Pg. 15

So what went wrong for the students? According to Skillman, they succumbed to "status management." Whereas the Kindergarteners just dived headfirst into the project and tried to build the highest tower they could, the MBA students fixated on who was in charge, who should occupy what role, and who had what skills to offer. Hence, the MBA students ran out of time, and were ineffective in their problem-solving. If we look at the Kindergarteners, they just merrily began trying and failing, and eventually learned through trial and error. Their process was chaotic and enthusiastic, and perhaps unorthodox, but it was also supportive and collaborative. There were no egos, no jostling for position, and most importantly, no fear.

3. ESTABLISH PURPOSE

As with culture, a sense of belonging and safety aren't magic. They're created through several factors, such as open channels of communication. We've all been in situations where we've felt unheard or ignored. In cases like these, we usually respond with apathy or rebellion. In a workplace with a positive culture, everyone is invited to participate in open communication channels, no matter what seniority level you are. Furthermore, individuals within the group should feel validated and valued for their contributions. However, at the heart of wanting to be inside, rather than outside of a group, comes down to the belonging cues that we're given. Safety is not mere emotional weather but rather the foundation on which strong culture is built.” Pg. 6 The goal is in the future, but your group lives in the now. Which means your purpose should be like a bridge between the two. Thus, if you can come up with a simple narrative as to how your purpose will help you go from today to tomorrow and reach your goal, you’ll be able to activate those around you. We focus on what we can see—individual skills. But individual skills are not what matters. What matters is the interaction.” Pg. xvii Group cooperation, says Coyle, is created by small moments of vulnerability – and when vulnerability is demonstrated by the leader, its power increases.